Every parent will relate to this dad's hilariously messy 'pooplosion' tale

It's hard to believe this sweet little girl created such a huge mess.
It's hard to believe this sweet little girl created such a huge mess. Photo: Facebook

Make sure you aren't eating while reading this post because you might just spit out your food while laughing.

Oh, and it involves poo - lots and lots of poo.

If you have children, you probably have a poo story of your own, but this dad's tale of the moment he discovered his toddler had done a poop all over the place is absolutely hilarious. It's so funny it's been shared over 92,000 times and received 42,000 comments on Facebook.

When it all started, Jesse Mab-Phea Hill was having a "pretty good day".

"Dropped the boy off at school, worked out, let the dogs outside and began chilling like a boss in my man cave in the basement," he explained.

"I had the house to myself and was taking full advantage of watching unimpeded YouTube videos."

With his partner, Mayra, and his eldest child, Jesse, both out, and his toddler asleep, he was pretty happy. On his way to grab some cake, he smelled something foul.

"I scan the basement from the stairs thinking the dogs dropped a deuce before I let them outside. I see nothing ... And then my blood runs cold when I realise the stink is coming from the upper floor," he wrote.


"I run up the stairs screaming 'no, no, no, no' till I get to Alessandra's room. There she is, standing at the baby gate, butt naked, holding her diaper, covered head to toe in her own crap.

"I'm not talking a little poop here and there. I'm talking layered on globs of human fecal matter covering her arms, legs, face and HAIR. It's bad."

He admits he was tempted to close the door and pretend to be asleep, but didn't want to "be a dick".

His daughter was completely covered in poo and he was trying his hardest not to touch her, but was forced to use "two fingers on both hands to lift her by the armpits" to pop her in the bath.

"The whole time she's in the tub she tries to touch me with her sh** covered hands and I scream like a pre-pubescent girl and dodge her," he said.

It takes him 20 minutes to clean his child, but then he has to re-enter the scene of the poosplosion.

"I walk in her room slowly and am greeted with a scene straight out of a German fetish dream," he said.

"Everything on the right side of the room is covered in steaming baby crap. The walls, the toys, the windows, the curtains, the play bench, the floor, the baby piano, my hopes, all covered in crap.

"It looks like a real category 5 shit storm blew thru her room. Hurricane S**trina if you will."

The scene was utter chaos and he didn't know where to start, so he called Mayra.

"She's on her way back home and I'm on my way to lighting the house on fire," he wrote.

"I won't get into anymore graphic details but 2 rolls of paper towels, 5 stolen gym towels, 1 bottle of pinsole, 1 bottle of bleach, 1 big bag of crap covered toys and 2½ hours later her room stills smells like a dumpster fire."

He said the reason he shared the crappy experience was to "not only do my part to spread written contraception and to strike fear in the hearts of new parents", but to remind himself that even if he's having a bad day it would never be as s**tty as the one he'd just had.

He finished the post with the hashtag - #kidsaretheworst.