"My partner's sister named her dog after my dead kid. Is it disrespectful to ask her change it?"
That's the "doozy" of a question one man has posed to Redditors, noting that he's not sure if he's overreacting about her using the unusual name.
"When I was 18, my then girlfriend got pregnant with a baby girl and we decided to name her after my grandmother who had been excited to meet her first great grandchild but passed away before a few months before she was born," he writes.
"An important note to make here is that, although I was born and raised in Arizona, my Dad is Mexican and my grandmother's name while common in older Hispanic women (like, "you definitely know somebody's abuela with that name" common) it's widely fallen out of fashion more recently and isn't that common in younger people our outside of Hispanic communities/communities with large Hispanic populations."
Tragically, the baby was born premature and died at just three weeks old. "This was obviously devastating for both of us, and I commemorated her life with a tattoo of her name." The pair split shortly afterwards and the man now has a new partner.
"The first time I met his sister, she asked about my tattoo and what it meant and I explained it all." At the time she expressed her condolences and said it was a "pretty name".
"In general I like his sister just fine, but she can be kinda a lot. Just sorta entitled and selfish sometimes," he notes.
At the start of the lockdown period in the UK, the sister and her partner got a puppy. "I'm not really on social media or anything and haven't seen her much, so I haven't heard much about the puppy. Until earlier this week, when I found out she gave it the same name as my daughter."
Noting that he was confused as the name isn't popular in England, he added " I asked outright if she'd named it after my daughter. She said yes but was very ... idk ... flippant, I guess? Like, she was laughing and acting as if it was a cute little joke or something."
The man shared that he told her he felt uncomfortable and asked her if she'd change the dog's name.
"She pouted and said that isn't fair because she knows her name now and it'd be a pain to change it. I told her outright I feel like it's very disrespectful to my daughter's memory and I don't like that she didn't run it by me first. She kinda threw a tantrum and said I was being stupid, it's just a name, and that I'm mean and rude for calling her disrespectful over this."
I feel bad now, he writes. But I can't help the feeling of disrespect over this.
"Do I have any standing or am I overreacting?"
Redditors didn't hold back, calling the sister "trashy", "callous" and "sadistic."
"Here's the thing. You don't own the name. She doesn't have to ask your permission to name her dog. She can name her dog whatever she wants," one commenter wrote. "Just like you don't have to ask for permission cut ties with her for her heartlessness. I'm not sure what kind of monster would listen to you share a very painful, meaningful story like that and decide that it didn't matter."
"If she happened to have had a pet with the same name as your child for a few years before even meeting you it would have been an unfortunate painful coincidence," wrote another. " But the fact that she did this on purpose? That's sadistic."
"That's appalling I'm so sorry. Also people change dog's names all the time, they can definitely adjust. Especially a puppy. She just doesn't want to."