If you've had a baby, chances are you've witnessed a poonami. You know the deal, when leakage comes out of your child with so much force it's like a poosplosion.
They're every parent's worst nightmare. One minute your baby's being really cute and the next there is a stream of poo flowing out everywhere.
And to make them even worse, they hardly ever happen when you're resting at home. They almost always happen at the worst possible time.
Here are five times you can guarantee your baby will have a poonami:
1. On a flight
Flying with a baby is nerve-racking at the best of times. You're worried they'll cry too much or their ears will hurt or they'll kick the seat. And if you're by yourself, you're never sure how you'll manage with them on your lap.
As soon as you think you've got everything under control, it happens. That all too familiar smell, followed by the wetness and then you know you're deep in shit, literally, on a plane, with nowhere to hide. And believe me, you want to hide.
2. In the car seat
You strap them into their car seat and head on your way. You have your favourite music playing, you're feeling proud you've made it out of the house and all is good in the world.
When you arrive, you reach in to gently pull your baby out of the car and, bam, your hand is covered in something yellow and stinky. Just like that, your plans change and you spend the next half an hour cleaning yourself, your baby and the car seat. The drive home definitely isn't as sweet smelling.
3. When you're in a hurry
Every time you're in a rush you can be guaranteed your baby will either projectile vomit or projectile poo on them or you. It's almost a given, a punishment of leaving things to the last minute. It's life telling you to be more organised.
4. When they're in their best outfit
It's a special occasion; you've finally ditched the Bonds Wondersuit and dressed your baby in the most gorgeous clothes. They look even more adorable than normal.
If you're lucky you've snapped a few photos of them in their finery, because you can guarantee at some stage, while dressed in their new outfit, they'll poo all over it.
5. When you don't have a spare change of clothes
This will probably only happen one time because once you've been caught out in public with a baby (and possibly even you) covered in faeces without a change of clothes, you'll never let it happen again.
Because chances are they will do a poonami in their best outfit while you're rushing to the airport to fly on a plane. And you'll be haunted by it forever.