Yeah baby, it's official: 30 signs you are definitely a new mum

Image: Supplied / Niki McCahon
Image: Supplied / Niki McCahon 

I was looking back on old photos and remembering those early days.

I was not at all prepared for the realities of motherhood and was shocked by some of the things I found myself doing as a new mum.⠀

Whether you're just starting on your motherhood journey (hang in there!), or you're a seasoned pro, you will no doubt recognise some of these tell-tale signs that you've officially entered mama life!

1. You realise giving birth isn't actually the hard part.

2. You hope no one ever finds your google history.

3. You wonder just how little sleep one person can get before they literally cannot function anymore. 

4. You frantically try and link your latest meltdown to a developmental leap, teething - something!

5. You need to raise your data allowance to cover all the googling of "is green poo normal?", the 3am online shopping and th facebook grouping. 

6. Every photo on your phone is of your baby.

7. Activewear. All day 'ery day!

8. You feel like your little one pushes you to the brink of insanity, and just before you fall off the edge, they do something cute and everything is ok again. Repeat times infinity. 

9. You coordinate your bub's outfit and your own at least once. 

10. Your baby finally goes to sleep, so you spend the whole time looking at photos of them and thinking about how cute they are.

11. You fight the urge to slap someone without kids when they say they're tired (pick your audience, people!)

12. You catch yourself speaking in the third person in public ('Mummy's going to have a BIG coffee! Mummy lovvvveeess coffee'!) and get concerned glances from passers by. 

13. You go shopping for yourself and come home with Bonds zippies.

14. Your baby is definitely the cutest baby. Ever. 

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15. You choose which shopping centre to visit based on which one has the best parents room. 

16. Just before you think you're not cut out for this motherhood business, your baby cracks a smile and then you're like "OK I'm in".

17. Your entire day is broken into sleep cycles. 

18. You could spend hours watching your baby sleep, but cringe when you hear them waking after one sleep cycle. (Nooooo!)

19. Your personal presentation and hygiene standards are lowered dramatically - so low you're not even sure they qualify as standards.

20. Vomit, poo and snot suddenly become general conversation topics. 

Image: Supplied / Nikki McCahon

21. You look for glimpses of your old life, and realise that almost everything has changed. 

22. Every afternoon you feel a little bit of fear about what the night might have in store. And the scary part is, you know you're going to have to do it all over again tomorrow, and the next day, and the day after that. 

23. You finally get what your co-workers meant when they said going back to work was like a 'holiday'.

24. You realise that it didn't matter how many books you read or things you bought - nothing could prepare you for becoming a mum. 

25. You suddenly have a desperate need to connect with other mums who are going through the same things as you, who you can ask questions and share experiences with. 

26. You go out with poop/vomit/snot on you without realising. 

27. You realise that childbirth is this secret club that no one really talks about. 

28. You suddenly experience huge guilt for meeting your own basic needs. 

29. You take selfies using snapchat filters, because ain't nothing cuter than a baby puppy, plus they also hide your under eye bags.(Bonus!)

30. You realise 99.9 per cent of what happens - babies birth, their sleep, their temperament (i.e. everything!) - is out of your control and you just have to roll with the punches. 

Nikki is the founder of Mama Tribe, an Australia and New Zealand wide mama meet-up community with the motto #nomumleftbehind. 

Through Mama Tribe you can meet like-minded mums in your area for friendship and support. Because we all need friends who are in the trenches with us, and can remind us that we're not alone -  in our google history or at 3am. 

Find out more and join the tribe on Facebook and at mamatribe.com.au