Taking each day as it comes
I always thought that hormones were something related to the pregnancy and they would go away once the baby is born. After a chat with a few other mums and my state nurse I found out that this is far from over.
After the rollercoaster we had with this journey, losing Rafael, losing and regaining my health and finally getting the boys home I have to confess my head is not in the best shape. I thought it was just because of everything that has happened and I have given myself the space to be a bit all over the place with my thoughts right now… I decided to acknowledge that a lot has happened and it might take some time to settle all my emotions.
I felt low quite a few times, very fearful too (with the boy’s health, my own, husband’s, our relationship, everything), but also felt overwhelmed with happiness so it’s quite weird. Ah, the joys of motherhood…
At the same time, as with most women during pregnancy, I’ve put on a lot of weight (30 kilos which was the recommended weight gain for a triplet pregnancy). I’ve already lost most of it but can’t say I look or feel the same as before.
I am completely out of shape; I get tired quite easily – especially as my days are full now. I mean, the boys are not such a big work but they are certainly some work (not to mention that carrying 6-7 kilos on each arm all the time is not that easy).
I started to feel I became less of a woman and more of a mum… but I am not that bad with the thought, it was fine with me for this beginning. For the past 6 months that was pretty much my main objective. Be a mum, and now I finally feel that I have accomplished that and I can relax and focus a bit on myself again.. (and still be a good mum at the same time).
Slowly I am winning some battles… and on top of that, some of my thoughts are not entirely true, a lot of them are just related to the hormones that are still in my body.
I am learning to deal with them… the hormones, the changes in my life, my thoughts, my priorities. Jon already knows sometimes if I explode because of some silly minor things, the hormones are around so he just gives me the space and tries to be extra nice (what a husband! That’s why I think more and more that to have kids you must really wait to find Mr. Right first, I can’t imagine all this journey with some Mr. Wrong.)
The weight issue has played a major part in this “less of a woman” thing, and what made me more angry about it is that I had already lost most of it and only re-gained it once the in-laws came to stay with us. It’s fully my fault as I wasn’t really worried with eating healthily, but at times I just blamed it on their diet, or on my husband’s diet, on anyone else but me (hormones talking :)
I decided to take charge of my life and start by going on a diet. I researched on-line and decided to try Jenny Craig. I am a very strong-minded person and after only 3 weeks I have lost 4 kilos (now I am only 2 kilos away from my old self prior to pregnancy). Also I went to the hairdresser, bought some lingerie and a bit of new make-up. Nothing major really, just small little things, and nothing was really planned, just happened naturally. I was walking and saw a sale in this or that shop.
I walk most days at least 1 hour and the next step in to join a gym (with a crèche – which is a new thing I found and I think is a great idea, well done Re-creation and Genesis that have this initiative).
I feel that after 6 months of hormones governing my body and being just a mum, I can finally relax and know that I am capable of being both. I feel lighter and happier, and when I have my hormonal days, I just try to distract myself and let the day pass, the thoughts, the anger and the sadness, and focus on the boys smiles, on my husband’s beautiful eyes, beautiful soul.
I am starting to be in peace with life and myself again and this feels great! And mainly I forgive myself for the journey and the days I wasn’t so well. Everything will happen in the right time, you just need to be ready for it and take actions once you feel it’s time.
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