Essential Baby blogger Amity Dry
When I was pregnant with my first child I was determined to breastfeed successfully. My mum had breastfed all three of us for at least 18 months and both my sisters in law had nursed their babies, so I had good role models and a support system around me.
I read the books, took the lactation classes and hoped that it all went smoothly when my time came. Thankfully it did, I was one of the lucky ones who had no troubles at all breastfeeding. But now with my second child due in 9 weeks I am hoping it comes as easily this time. Because I know it’s not always the case, and the results can be heartbreaking.
I will never forget the first time I breastfed my son, just minutes after he was born. It was such an incredible experience that I will cherish forever. And in the following days, where we both had to acquire this brand new skill, everything went remarkably smoothly. After learning the importance of latching on correctly I was very careful to make sure it was right every time, remembering the golden rule that if it hurts you take them off and start again. And to my relief, after hearing all the horror stories, it never hurt. Not once.
So, after establishing our groove with each other, my son and I went on to exclusively breastfeed for 13 months. I never had mastitis, cracked or painful nipples or any major discomfort - other than the standard hot rocks pain of an overdue feed! Over all my experience of breastfeeding was a wonderful, convenient, bonding, precious experience that I can’t wait to do again.
So now that day is rapidly approaching I presumed it would come naturally to me again, after all I knew what I was doing this time. But lately I have been hearing stories that I might not be so lucky.
A girlfriend of mine who has just had her third baby was breastfeeding her the other day and commented what a relief it was that it came easily this time. Her fist baby also feed easily, so she too presumed it would be the same the next time. But unfortunately her second baby never got the hang of it and they struggled through 9 months of painful, stressful feeds before she finally gave up. “He had razor mouth,” she explained. No matter what she did every feed hurt and he could never seem to latch on correctly. It’s amazing she lasted as long as she did but in the end it got too hard. But then, after being afraid she’d go through the same thing again, this baby has fed like a dream from the start.
I remember so clearly those first few months with my mothers group, sitting around sharing cups of coffee as we discussed our experiences of sleepless nights and breastfeeding struggles. I recall that about half of the group struggled in some way with feeding, much to their heartbreak. At times I remember feeling almost guilty that it came so easily to me, when they wanted it just as much as I did but found it a constant battle. Hours and hours of pumping to increase supply, teeth gritted through cracked nipples and tears streaming due to painful letdown. It was certainly not the dreamy picture of contended bliss you imagined when you were pregnant. For those girls breastfeeding was more like a nightmare.
Some gave up and turned to formula bottles, usually full of guilt that they had ‘failed’ both themselves and their babies. What a horrible thing to have to feel when you are at your most vulnerable, and another example of how much pressure us mums put on ourselves. Others persisted and one particularly determined mum managed to overcome major early difficulties and go on to successfully feed for a long time afterwards. But I know that at the time each of those girls had a really tough time of it, finding that what you expect to come naturally doesn’t always happen.
I remember wondering then what mothers did before formula was invented. I guess they struggled through the pain, as they had no choice. Thankfully we have options now, so even if it’s not your preferred choice it’s there if you need it.
Which brings me to my final point. Do you think mothers judge each other for their choice not to breastfeed? Or for ‘giving up’ too soon, if it’s not working?
I know I would have persisted despite all the odds the first time around, but I think I feel differently now. As much as I still believe in the importance and benefits of breastfeeding I also believe in the value of a happy mum. And if that mum is in tears every day due to pain and stress, how can that be what’s best for her or her child? In my opinion, being on formula and having a happy, present mum is preferable to being breastfed in that scenario. I just wonder if I would take my own advice if I found myself in that situation?
What were your experiences of breastfeeding? Did you have a different experience with subsequent children? If you didn’t breastfeed did you feel judged for your decision? And if you persevered through difficulties how did you do it?
Share your breastfeeding stories with Amity on the Essential Baby Forums.
