New mum asks if she is being unreasonable for not wanting visitors

Is it unreasonable to not want visitors straight away?
Is it unreasonable to not want visitors straight away? Photo: Shutterstock

It's the question that keeps on coming up, but when is it too early to visit a newborn baby at home?

Well, this mum's asked if she is being unreasonable for not wanting visitors straight away.

She asked fellow Mumsnet users if there were "a lot of people who think they have some right to see a squishy newborn?" or was she overreacting.

"My friends have sent messages saying congratulations, let us know when I'm up for visitors/meeting up etc. Lovely," she wrote.

"But family, especially family that you don't see much of normally, expect to come round and see you when the baby is a couple of days old.

"There is never any question of "is mum ready for it?' Or is it convenient?? No of course not!!"

She asked if it would be unreasonable for her and her family to escape to a cottage for a month for some privacy.

And her fellow mums had some great suggestions to deal with visitors like having an open house at set times and limiting visitors to the hospital.

"If I were you I'd set my text messages to an automatic reply saying something like "thank you for your message but we are currently enjoying our new addition please be patient and we'll get back to you ASAP" it might give people a hint to leave you alone and that way you don't have to worry about what excuse you can give them all," said one commentator.

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"If I were you, I would wait several days before even telling anyone your baby has been born and then don't answer the door to any callers outside a prearranged time or agree for all visitors to come on a certain day at a certain time and get it over with," said another.

"Just say it is not convenient. If they turn up at the door get DH (your husband) to send them away or say it would be lovely to see you but it is feeding/nap time so it will have to be another time," suggested someone else.

This person suggested: "Don't answer the phone or front door until you are ready for visitors. Respond to text messages with – thank you for your best wishes. We're all well but we're not having visitors at present. We will let you know when DD (darling daughter) is ready for her cuddles with you."

And others simply advised her to inform everyone that they would not be taking visitors at this stage.

But not everyone agreed.

"I know I'm in a minority of 1 here, but I do struggle with all this anti-visitor stuff. I've had 3 lovely DCs (darling children) and I was so glad when people called in. Each baby was a celebration, a gift, a treasure, and I wanted to share the joy with everyone. Why all the dread, the disgruntled martyrdom? Can't you just be glad someone wants to celebrate with you?" another mum said.

While this person wrote: "I loved all the visitors. I sat on the sofa or in the garden and received them all whilst my husband brought tea/cake/champagne. In fact, when I got home from hospital 6 hours after I had delivered my 2nd, my house was full. They had let themselves in! It is such a happy memory to me. Within 2 weeks they had all gone and it was just me and the baby – that's when I found it boring and lonely. The first bit was lovely! However, MN (Mumsnet) has taught me that many new parents loathe visitors. Just be honest – tell them you want to be alone."