Essential Baby blogger Amity Dry
Dear readers, please permit me to make a public service announcement. To any one who knows me, sees me socially, or comes into any contact with me at all over the next 21 weeks, I’d like to make a polite request. Shut up about my belly.
Yes, I know it’s big. Bigger than yours was at this stage, bigger than your sisters or your friends or your neighbour’s belly was. Yes, I know it’s unusual to pop out so early and, yes, I’m absolutely sure it’s not twins. Yes I know pregnant women are suddenly public property, but I didn’t like being referred to as huge before, so I certainly don’t like it now. And yes, perhaps I’m a little sensitive about this but I’d prefer if you say what you have to behind my back, if at all possible. Thanks ever so much.
What is it with pregnancy and the standard rules of what you can and can’t say to someone suddenly being thrown out the window? Since when is it ok to tell a woman how massive she is, particularly at a time when she is already sensitive about her rapidly expanding waistline. And why do we all have to look exactly the same when we’re pregnant, seeing as we don’t at any other time?
Ok, so I admit, my belly is pretty impressive for 18 weeks. I haven’t gotten bigger anywhere else, I just seem to go from normal stomach to rock hard 6 month pregnant looking stomach with no transition in between. Which would be great, except this happens at about 14 weeks! But I’m not bothered by it - until every second person feels the need to make a comment about it. This is exactly what happened to me with my first pregnancy, except then I didn’t realise I was different because I had nothing to compare it to. When my belly popped out at 12 weeks I was thrilled. When I was noticeably showing at 14 weeks I went and bought a whole new maternity wardrobe and showed off my bump proudly. It wasn’t until other people commented about it being unusual for a first baby that I became a little paranoid about it. And when I was being asked by strangers how many days I had left to go at 20 weeks I realised I must be a bit strange! So I spent the whole pregnancy worried I was going to have a huge baby, only to give birth to a perfectly average 3.3 kilo cherub (7 pounds 4.)
So with this pregnancy I am more relaxed about it, as I know this is just how I carry my babies. Except this time, being my second pregnancy, I was digging out my maternity jeans at 8 weeks! But that’s fine with me, it’s just that the jokes and comments about it are wearing a bit thin.
Come to think of it, I am sure those women that carry small get sick and tired of the comments they receive too. In fact a woman who barely showed throughout her pregnancy remarked to me the other day that she would have loved to have a big obvious belly, so she didn’t have to convince people she was actually pregnant. Too big or too small, we can’t win!
But it’s not just the size of us pregnant women that comes up for scrutiny, it’s all the choices we make. My friend who is pregnant with her third child under 3 and a half is sick of people telling her she’s crazy. “I know it will be hectic,” she said to me. “But this baby was planned knowing that life would be busy for a while, and I’m ok with that. I just wish people would stop making me feel like I’m insane for making this decision.” My other friend told her she should reply to them “You know, you’re right, I’m going to return this one.” That might shut them up!
But I know now from experience that us mothers-to-be have to toughen up and get used to public opinion, because it certainly doesn’t end when the baby arrives. If anything, it gets worse. From our choices on breastfeeding, sleeping arrangements, parenting decisions and going back to work, it seems that everyone has an opinion and isn’t afraid to share it. So I guess I should put on my smiley face and get used to politely deflecting the comments now. Just make sure I’ve had enough to eat when you dish them out, a hungry pregnant woman has no sense of humour!
Which comments drove you nuts when you were pregnant or a new mum? Did you like being public property or did it feel intrusive? And have you ever put a commenter in their place?! I'd love for you to share your experiences with us...
