Essential Baby blogger Amity Dry
The other morning we were having our daily family snuggle in bed, my favourite part of the day, especially now the mornings are cool and the doona is warm. As usual our four year old was cuddled up closely to me, ever the Mummy’s boy, when I asked him where he was going to lie when the new baby joined us for morning “cuggles.”
“You will have to lie next to Daddy,” I told him “Because the baby will be next to Mummy.”
“No” he quickly corrected me. “The baby can go next to Daddy and I will stay here with you.” Then he buried his face up to mine, totally assured with his place in the world.
It was just a harmless comment but it did get me thinking about how he will go once the baby arrives in a few weeks. Since we told him about my pregnancy he has been so excited about the baby and constantly talks about it’s arrival, talking to my tummy and excitedly feeling the kicks. He took the ultrasound pictures to show and tell at pre-school and in general is very interested and affectionate with friends babies.
On top of that, he’s not a rough or boisterous kid and is past that toddler stage, so I’m not worried about him ‘accidentally’ hurting the baby with an over zealous hug or a little pinch when no one is watching.
But, despite all that, I can’t discount the fact that he has had our undivided attention for four years, as well as being the only grandchild on my side, so it is going to come as a bit of a shock when he is not the sole focus of everyone anymore.
And, being the child or a performer, he does like the attention!
There are pros and cons for a longer or shorter age gap between siblings and I’m sure both have issues and benefits when it comes to introducing a new child into the family. As I have written before, it was never my choice to have a four year age gap between my children and at the time I was very worried about the down sides. However in hindsight (isn’t it a wonderful thing) I can see how many advantages the longer gap has.
Jamison now goes to preschool two days a week, so on those days I will have uninterrupted time with my new baby. Time to bond, to establish feeding without distractions, to sleep if I need to and to give him or her the same undivided attention that Jamison has had from me for all these years. On top of that, Jami is now pretty self-sufficient. He can go to the toilet, get his own snack or drink or grab something for me if I ask him to. He is also old enough to understand when I say I can’t do something right now because I’m busy with the baby.
But just because he’s old enough to understand it doesn’t mean he will like it! And, as self-sufficient as he is, he still has the emotional maturity of a normal self-absorbed four year old, who doesn’t like to be told no.
Obviously I can’t comment on how it would be to have children born closer together, but from watching my friends I know it can be a little hectic at times! However, their kids have each other to play with, which will have its benefits in later years. And, I would assume that because the older child has never had as long with just mum and dad it may not be as big an adjustment when their attention is divided. On the other hand, having a busy toddler to keep an eye on while you’re feeding is an exhausting exercise I’m sure!
My girlfriend just had her third under 3 and a half and was feeding the baby the other day when her 15 month old fell over and needed to be comforted by Mummy. So she took the baby off mid feed and put her in her pram to tend to her screaming toddler. To my amazement the baby didn’t make a sound, not one cry of protest. I commented how surprised I was about this and my friend replied “Third baby. She’s probably so used to competing for attention now she just accepts it without a fuss.”
Now, that will probably be one cruisey kid in the years to come!
In the meantime, I have read lots of advice on parenting sites and have gained some good ideas to try and make it as easy as possible for my beautiful boy. And I was happy to discover I had already done some of the suggestions without realising it! When I was painting some canvases to decorate the nursery Jamison painted his own and we wrote on it “For the baby, love your brother Jamison.” That canvas now holds pride of place on the nursery wall and he shows it to everyone who comes over, very proud of his contribution to the baby’s room. Let’s just hope it’s that easy when everyone is coming to see the real life baby!
What advice do you have on introducing a new baby to your child(ren) and how did yours adjust to the change? What is the age gap in your family and did you find that made it easier or more challenging? I look forward to hearing your stories….
