Essential Baby blogger Amity Dry
With Mother's Day this weekend I thought motherhood could do with a little celebrating, a reminder of why we all love it, even on the days we say we don’t. Because if you, like me, have been reading the articles on parenthood posted on various sites throughout the last week you’d have to be asking yourself why anyone would be mad enough to want to take it on.
Last week there was an article featured on Essential Baby titled Family v Freedom, as though they were mutually exclusive. The article featured a comparison on the benefits of parenthood versus remaining childfree, to find who were the ‘winners and losers’ of the equation. And in nearly every category from financial, appearance, relationships and sex lives parents came off second best. Gee, thanks.
Even writing on motherhood these days seems to be overly focused on the negatives, with blogs such as ‘Why motherhood sucks’ and books like ‘Bad Mother’ spelling out in detail how much motherhood sucks at times. And let’s not beat around the bush, sometimes it definitely does.
But who is writing about how magical it can be, how wonderful and rewarding it mostly is? Well, for today, I am.
As my job is to write about a different parenting topic each fortnight I am often guilty of focusing on the negatives myself, as we all like a good whinge. However, when I complained recently about my pregnant belly being too big a few readers responded that I should be grateful I was pregnant at all, when so many of them would trade with me in a second. I responded that, while I was incredibly grateful for my healthy pregnancy, if I wrote about how happy I was every in every blog people would stop reading it very quickly.
Besides that, you can be happy and grateful, but still complain when things are tough, as expressing that frustration is cathartic and healthy. I certainly wouldn’t want to step back in time to when mothers had to keep up a Stepford Wife like façade, where personal appearances had to be as immaculately kept as their starched sheets and spotless floors. I can’t imagine having to put on a happy face when my husband came home from work everyday, unable to burden him with the trials of my day because it was considered women’s business. And without my group of girlfriends to debrief and whinge with I would be lost at times. To know I am not alone when I am finding motherhood tough going, to share our stories, to vent and laugh about the bad days.
But for all those bad days, there are so many good. So many moments and experiences that make parenthood worth the sacrifices you sometimes have to make. So this week I’m going balance things up a little and write only about the good things. To remind us why motherhood should be celebrated. So here goes…..
Since carrying a baby, giving birth and breastfeeding I have a respect and admiration for my body that I never dreamed of before. Sure, it doesn’t look exactly like it used to but what it has achieved is nothing short of miraculous. It created my child, nurtured him, delivered him and will soon bless me with another precious baby. I am thankful to my body, to every stretch mark, for doing that for me.
Pregnancy can be a trial at times, especially now when I am constantly uncomfortable, have to pee 100 times a day, can’t sleep, can’t wear any shoes other than thongs and can’t eat without getting heartburn. I miss having a glass of wine, eating runny cheese, wearing nice clothes and being able to bend down. But when I feel my baby move inside me, when my son feels the kicks and squeals with delight I am reminded what an amazing gift it is to be pregnant and why I am so lucky to experience it again.
Suffering through sleep deprivation for 12 months taught me that I can be pushed to my limits and survive it. And even in the moments I was so tired I wanted to scream I was amazed how I could push past that fatigue to be there for my baby when he needed me. Sleep deprivation taught me to be selfless.
My relationship with my husband was undeniably changed when we became parents and for a while it suffered under the pressure. But now that we are on the other side we are stronger for it. And when I see him taking care of our son, playing cricket with him, giggling with him and gently teaching him how to be a good man I love him more than ever.
Paris will still be there when our kids are older and we have the time and finances to visit it, and we will probably appreciate it even more for the wait. And as much as I’d love to go to New York and shop, dine and sight see at my leisure our family trip to Queensland last year provided me with just as many wonderful moments. Seeing the joy on Jamison’s face when we arrived at Wiggle World made me as happy as a visit to the Eiffel Tower could ever do. Sad, maybe, but true!
Since becoming a mum I am stronger, tougher, smarter, more resilient and less consumed with what other people think. As long as my child is healthy and happy I can get through anything life throws at me. That in itself is a gift.
Being part of a family is one of life’s true joys. To be part of something bigger than yourself, to care about someone’s needs more than your own, to sit at the dinner table and compare stories, to create shared memories and to live in a noisy, messy, chaotic environment that you complain about but wouldn’t swap for the world. On top of that, being a parent means you, hopefully, get to have grandchildren one day, providing you with someone to tell stories about the old days too, continue your family history, spoil and be reminded what it’s like to be young.
The nutty little things your child does and says will have you laughing harder than the worlds funniest comedian could ever inspire. Their little dances are priceless, the way they mispronounce words is hilarious, their observations genius – all to you of course. And when they tell you they love you, or like Jamison said when he was two “Mum, you’re my best friend ever” you will feel your heart melt and break at the same time.
The unconditional, completely blind love you have for your child is like no other emotion you will ever experience. My son is the funniest, smartest, most beautiful, creative, generous, affectionate little boy I could ever dream of and I will forever be grateful that I am his mum. He challenges me with his strong will, surprises me with his observations, teaches me with his unbiased way of looking at the world, makes me laugh harder than I have ever done and fills my soul with his unconditional love. If he was my only achievement in life it would be a life well lived.
And if having him meant I would never take another holiday, drive a nicer car, have a bigger house, have a perfect bikini body, enjoy a fantastic sex life and have the freedom to do as I please when I please it would be worth it, a thousand times over.
That is motherhood to me. Challenging at times, yes, but unequivocally worth it. So Happy Mothers Day to you all!
Why is parenthood worth it for you? Share with us the moments that make you celebrate being a mum or dad and feel free to gloat with stories about how great, funny, talented and special your child is! Comment on Amity's blog.
